Mockter Who: The New Screwdriver
by Mythcatcher
Summary: This short story is a second Doctor Who spoof that picks up where the first one ended. The Doctor and his new companion Random prepare for their next adventures. I personally like this story better than the first. Whovians be warned, this story pokes fun at Doctor Who with a spear. Hope you enjoy, and if not, please don't take it personal. T for suggestive humor and mild innuendo.


**The New Screwdriver**

After a robust dinner of Lo Mein Gyros with Jalapeño poppers, Random scooted back her chair and dabbed her face with a napkin. "That was a good idea, Doctor, I'll admit. What's next?"

"When's next you mean," said the Doctor while finishing the last of the poppers.

"You got some sauce in your beard," Random observed.

"Oops, I did. This thing takes some getting used to. I'll go wash off in the water closet. Wait there." The Time lord promptly left.

Random was ready to doze, when at last, the Doctor returned. "About time," she told him. "Stayed away any longer and I would have been captured by evil robots disguised as restaurant managers."

"Spoilers," the Doctor leered.

"Doctor, that's not your line," Random scolded him.

"It's not copyrighted," the Doctor protested. "You're just getting antsy, I can tell. Moving on, I think it's time you saw my new Sonic Screwdriver. When I regenerated, the Screwdriver gained new features."

"Like what?" asked Random, both curious and skeptical.

"I'll show you," said the Doctor. "But to demonstrate, we'll need my other companions."

"Others? You have more?"

"Yes. You see, after I went to the water closet, I traveled into the future as well as the past and found more companions to come with us. Then I traveled back to this point in time."

"I should have known," Random commented. "Alright, let's meet them."

The Time lord winked. "Perhaps later I can show you my other Sonic Screwdriver. Then it'll be all fish fingers and custard, if you know what I mean."

Random slapped the Doctor hard in the face.

"Ow! What did I say?" he whined.

"Oh nothing, Dr. Innuendo. Now if we're going to meet your friends, do we have to get back in that awful TARDIS of yours?"

The Time lord held out his palms. "Oh, no, no, we'll use a different one."

"You have more than one TARDIS?" Random gasped. "How?"

The Doctor raised his head and grinned. "In this final regeneration, I have achieved ultimate mastery over time; even the knowledge to build more TARDISes. Heh, I did that too during my absence in the water closet. We will use one of the new TARDISes for the adventure. It's like me: bigger on the inside than on the outside."

Random crossed her arms and glared. "Are you insinuating again?"

"It's a British show, of course I'm insinuating!" said the Doctor. "Now let's go."

They both exited the restaurant and found a TARDIS behind a dumpster.

"Behold, my new little blue box!" announced the Doctor.

"But it's orange!" Random corrected, and she was right.

"Stay open-minded," the Doctor reminded her and entered the orange police box. Random followed after him.

The Time lord surveyed the large room with rivaling large, heterochromatic eyes. "Hello, someone's redecorated, I love it! But I'm gonna change it later."

Random hid a smile at the Doctor's behavior. She stepped further into the TARDIS. When she rounded a corner, she gasped at what towered before her.

"Exterminate, Exterminate!" said a dangerously familiar voice. Its speaker was a cold, bronze pillar-like creature: a Dalek. The Dalek aimed for Random Companion.

Suddenly, the Doctor leapt onto the Dalek's back. "Dylan! NO! What have I told you about exterminating nice people?"

The Dalek rolled closer to Random and kept speaking. "Exterminate nice people. This is a Human Inferior, and more importantly, a GINGER! Exterminate."

Random instinctively reached toward her ginger ponytail and exchanged glances with the Doctor.

The Doctor blushed. "I did not teach him that, I promise. Dylan, stop it! That's the exact opposite of what I told you. Bad, bad Dylan! Random's a companion too. Look over there! A pond!" The Doctor turned Dylan's direction away from Random.

Dylan plowed onward. "Pond on TARDIS does not compute."

The Doctor sighed in relief when Random was no longer in Dylan's field of vision. "Okay, Dylan. Human go bye-bye." He gave Random a crooked smile. "That's Dylan, he's a Dalek."

"I noticed," Random replied. "He's one of the new companions?"

"Yeah, he sort of tagged along after a war," the Time lord explained. "He's fairly friendly once you get to know him."

The Doctor turned to continue walking and jumped back at an angel statue that's fingers were centimeters away from his face. He yelped and placed a hand upon his chest. "Teara, you scared me!" He smiled at the statue. "Can't keep you out of my sight for a second, can I? You feisty thing."

"A Dalek and an angel for companions?" Random asked, not taking her eyes off the angel statue.

"This is Teara," said the Doctor turning to face Random. "Don't blink, and don't judge. She's a part of this universe too." The Doctor turned back to find Teara in a position that was reaching forward to hug and kiss him. "Teara, I'm kind of busy," said the Doctor. "Can we do that later? Or I suppose it'd be earlier, since you'd take me back to before I was born."

Random stared at the Doctor and Teara in disbelief. She then spoke. "You let Teara feed off your life. How did you get back?"

The Doctor shrugged. "I'll explain later. Or maybe earlier. We do have a TARDIS after all. Well, you've met Dylan and Teara. That leaves," He opened a door revealing a Cyberman. "Sparklord!" The Doctor gave a little bow to the Cyberman. "Great and superior Sparklord, how are you feeling today?"

"I am not," said Sparklord. He aimed a laser at Random and demanded. "What is that doing here?"

"I thought you'd need an inferior servant. It's not logical to ask an almighty Cyberman to stoop to the position of labor fit for unworthy fleshlings burdened and flawed with emotions."

"You speak logic, Doctor," Sparklord replied and lowered the weapon.

Random leaned close to the Doctor and whispered. "What are you doing?"

"Just play along," replied the Doctor. "Flattery works well with Sparklord."

"But he's not superior to us," Random snapped. "He's little more than a machine."

They both watched Sparklord shoot a target with flawless accuracy.

"It's hard to prove him wrong, actually," the Doctor admitted. "And to be fair, there is some human left in him."

"Where?"

"I don't know. It seemed rude to ask."

"I see. Is that everyone then?"

The Time lord made a quick count on his fingers. "It is. I can show you the Screwdriver now." He called to his companions. "Everyone, over here! It's time to try out the new Sonic Screwdriver power! Oh, and close your eyes so Teara can get in."

The three new companions entered the room; eager for another survival advantage.

The Doctor removed the upgraded Screwdriver from his pocket. Its tip shined like a black light. He raised the device to the sky, paused, and flipped its point toward himself and his companions. The Screwdriver clicked.

"What happened?" asked Random.

The Doctor pulled up a hologram from the Screwdriver that displayed all of them. "Now we can take pictures of all our adventures!"

"Can use pictures to locate the next target," Dylan commented.

"I had no expectations from a lessor form of life. Therefore, my thoughts are neutral in this matter," said Sparklord.

Teara simply stayed still with a smile on her face.

"The Screwdriver takes selfies!? Is that what this was all about?" Random shouted.

"Selfies are cool," the Doctor tried.

Random brought her palm to her face. "What am I going to do with you?"

"How about an adventure?" said the Doctor. He held out the Screwdriver to Random.

Random looked at the new companions, smiled and took hold of the Sonic Screwdriver. "Very well, Doctor."


End file.
